


Bluffing

by agreatskua



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-01
Updated: 2010-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24046843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agreatskua/pseuds/agreatskua
Summary: Office life mid-Brotherhood
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Kudos: 4





	Bluffing

Riza forcibly extracted herself from Roy's grip and shut the door behind them with a snap.

"This is asinine, sir."

Roy's toothpaste smile barely faded. "I can't take credit for Havoc's genius, but I think it's a brilliant idea. I mean, setting off the fire alarm was getting old with the sprinklers and all, and half the floor already thinks we're fu-"

"What?"

"-cking already, so this works perfectly."

"And what kind of idiot started that rumour, Colonel?"

Roy scratched his head and became inappropriately intrigued with a spot on the floor.

"Oh, a special kind of idiot you know and love. Or something." Cue shit-eating grin.

"So you won't be satisfied until you've tarnished both my professional _and_ social reputations in Central?" Riza said flatly, giving Roy a moment to process the insult.

"Why, yes, I mean - hey!" He frowned, looking up from his consideration of the books on the nearest shelf to pout at her. He then returned his attention to them and plucked one from the shelf. It fell to the floor with a muffled thud, and the rest followed suit in a messy cascade. "Oops."

"Very convincing, sir."

"Want to set up a good crime scene and all," he said matter-of-factly.

"Did you want a pair of panties to dangle on the lamp, too?" she drawled.

"Is that an offer?"

"Just shut up and tell me what you've got on Selim. Sir," Riza swiftly amended.

"Oh, Lieutenant!" Roy said loudly to the storeroom door. "Don't stop."

"You're having far too much fun with this, sir," Riza muttered under her breath, leaning back against the wall and procuring a notepad. "Now, Colonel-"

"I told you, Lieutenant, call me General," Roy continued at the same volume, again to the doorknob rather than Riza, who was rolling her eyes and tapping her pen against the pad. She was right, of course; he couldn't have played the part of giggling school boy any better, and if the yawns-turned-moans were any indication, Roy was completely unperturbed by his subordinate's passing glares of exasperation.

The silence on her part, however, was not to be endured long, and he crossed his arms. "Come on, Lieutenant. This won't be believable unless you start barking some orders or something." He tapped his chin. "Unless you want everyone to know you're secretly not as much of a hard ass as you like to pretend, which, admittedly, is kind of a turn on."

"You're treading on thin ice there, sir." Riza clicked her pen. "Now where were we? If Selim-"

"Well, I was over here, and you were about to put on those cute gla-"

The pen pinged him square in the forehead, and Roy's grunt of pain was entirely genuine. It figured that a sniper would be able to peg him with the tip.

Roy rubbed off the ink mark that was sure to be there with the back of his hand. "But now what are you going to throw at me when I tell you I don't really have any intel for you at all, and I just wanted to get you alone in a dark, stuffy store room?" He smirked triumphantly.

"What was that, sir?"

The grin quickly withered under Riza's glare and the realisation that while she was now devoid of office supply ammunition, Riza could still be trusted to be carrying at least three fully loaded guns.

"Um. Kidding?" Roy's hand wandered up to ruffle his hair. "I have missed you, though."

"We work on the same floor."

"That's not what I meant. I mean, look at us." He laughed and vaguely waved his hand. "We're hiding in here, pretending to have sex-"

" _You're_ pretending we're having sex."

"-just to get a chance to talk to one another openly."

"I believe we arranged this meeting to exchange information, actually, because you ran out of girls' names to use as code."

"Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe," Roy said. He stretched and plunked down onto the desk. "But I wasn't really kidding. It's hard to get much of anything important when my pieces, er, men are scattered all over the board. Er, Amestris."

Riza seemed to consider asking what sort of piece she was, but ultimately decided that she would rather refrain from being a part of his insanity, and shrugged noncommittally.

Furious with himself for letting his metaphor escape the confines of his imagination, Roy breathed a sigh of relief and slammed his fist against the desktop without warning. Riza's brows rose but she otherwise maintained her composure.

"It was getting a little quiet. You know," he said with a wink. "This would be much more fun if you'd just play along."

"By all means, continue on without me, sir. If you don't have anything to report, I'll be leaving."

Riza saluted and moved to reach for the door handle, but Roy stopped her by the sleeve of her uniform. He watched his shadow creep up her shoulders from behind and visualised, not for the first time, the intricate patterns of Latin and triangles beneath the cobalt cloth.

Intricate and ruined. His hand twitched.

Roy knew he was losing his nerve, and so cleared his throat and said in his huskiest tone: "Or maybe you wouldn't have to fake it at all, if you catch my drift."

He wouldn't have been surprised if Riza could feel him grinning like an idiot, and he was not disappointed when she turned around to face him. "You sure are confident, sir," she said, staring him square in the eyes and reaching up to straighten his collar. "But you shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

A knee to the nads, a blank stare, or even the barrel of the gun to his chest — those he had expected and had been prepared to deal with — but not that. Roy blushed.

"Uh." He gaped and took a moment to consider the distance at which he was standing from her, which seemed a hell of a lot less than it had a second ago.

"What's the matter, Colonel?"

He could even see little flecks of amber in the brown of her irises. Kiss or kill distance, right?

She neatly slid out of his grip and turned the door handle. Too late.

"Same time tomorrow?" Riza added loudly enough to carry past the room. She spared Roy a rare smirk as she turned and closed the door behind her, leaving Roy stunned, flushed, and suddenly in need of a cold shower.

"That invalid _idiot._ "


End file.
